Gone Girl

This was supposed to be a book and movie review***, but then I realized I am a Gone Girl.

At least, that's the way I feel now. That's how I think I have been presenting myself to the world for a long time.

You see, I never did let go of my past. Even though two years ago (I can't believe it's that long ago now) I cut so many people out of my life, even though I don't see or talk to those people anymore, I still think of them. I still wonder what they think of me and worry what they think of me and the things I say and do.

I know I shouldn't care. I know that I'm a grown woman, a mother, in my thirties and on my own - I know I shouldn't care about any of this stuff anymore. I know I shouldn't worry what people think of me, I should't question every single thing I post on Facebook, I shouldn't be afraid to share my writing.

People say that as they get older its easier to let go of the things that hurt them or the things they left behind. I hope that is true.

To everyone else, I am a Gone Girl.

Poof.

I left your life, but you haven't left mine. And honestly, that just sucks. Because I don't want to think about you anymore, or you or YOU or YOU or YOU. I don't want to waste another second of my time.

*** I don't think my particular Gone Girl book and movie review is necessary for the internet to read. So here is the short version: I read the book. I saw the movie. I'm one of those people who sort of hated the end, but at the same time completely understood that that's the way it NEEDED to end for Amy and Nick to go on being terrible people living in the cycle of abuse. Which, turns out, is what they both sort of deserve.