WE LOVE FALL!

I've noticed that in the very short history of this blog I have commented a lot on the weather, which is strange, as if I am trying to make casual conversation with a stranger. Which is made even stranger, because that is pretty much exactly what I am doing.

It has been unseasonably warm and delightful this week, if you are wondering.

Last weekend my parents, Kayla, Elise and I went to Pumpkintown and Elise had a total blast like she does every year. She was the one who figured it out on the car ride up there that Pumpkintown is now a family tradition!

Pumpkintown features "Pumpkin People" who live in their little pumpkin people town. It's pretty cute. There's a post office and a wedding chapel and a general store and a jail:

There was also a pumpkin shaped bouncy house. Elise cannot pass up a bouncy house opportunity. If I had a million dollars, there would definitely be one of these going up in the backyard next to the in-ground swimming pool.

Elise agrees that's a good idea.

On Sunday there was Elise's school's annual Trunk or Treat event, which is actually the first one for us, because last year I was a bad mom and didn't take her for some reason (probably because I hate interacting with other moms and especially large crowds of other moms.)

But, I am trying to be better about all these things this year and in the future because Elise needs friends and a social life, and I need to help her acquire these things. Apparently she's been making friends on her own, like Abbie, who appears here as Elsa with my little Belle:

There was a DJ at this event, which was a brilliant plan, because the kids had a blast running around and dancing and playing Simon Says and going on a little costume parade. It was fun to watch them, too, all the kids having so much fun.

Damn, I love this kid of mine. 

Winter is Coming

This is how my week started off:

Scraping the first frost off of my car Monday morning, I had that terrible feeling of impending winter doom. I have the S.A.D., and honestly I am really not ready to deal with this shit just yet, not this early in the year. The people aren't coming to clean my furnace until November 8th, so I'll be damned if I turn my heat on before then. Winter can wait.

Except at Wal-Mart, where winter is apparently already in full swing. Barf.

This week I cleaned my house, crossing things off a list until I was done: floors, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, organizing, PUTTING ALL THE LAUNDRY AWAY and making my bed and turning my bedroom back into a place of sanctuary and not a place to throw and hide all of the things that didn't yet have a place.

I did a pretty good job.

Besides Monday's dip into the 30s and yesterday's monsoon or whatever the hell that was, the weather has been pretty mild and enjoyable for the time of year. Good sunsets are happening this fall:

And beautiful light on the leaves in the treetops. Damn powerlines. Damn this urban sprawl that I live in the midst of. 

I would love to be able to get out of here one day. I would love to be able to abandon this awful climate and go somewhere that's more constantly warm and mild. St. Petersburg. San Diego. Somewhere that palm trees and sun will be something I see just about every single day. 

I want to take Elise out of this place and give her a better home to live in - a bigger bedroom, a real house, not just a little box lined up next to all the other little boxes in our row. 

She seems okay for now though, just an innocent little head floating in a sea of Hello Kitty.

For now I guess we're fine. 

Gone Girl

This was supposed to be a book and movie review***, but then I realized I am a Gone Girl.

At least, that's the way I feel now. That's how I think I have been presenting myself to the world for a long time.

You see, I never did let go of my past. Even though two years ago (I can't believe it's that long ago now) I cut so many people out of my life, even though I don't see or talk to those people anymore, I still think of them. I still wonder what they think of me and worry what they think of me and the things I say and do.

I know I shouldn't care. I know that I'm a grown woman, a mother, in my thirties and on my own - I know I shouldn't care about any of this stuff anymore. I know I shouldn't worry what people think of me, I should't question every single thing I post on Facebook, I shouldn't be afraid to share my writing.

People say that as they get older its easier to let go of the things that hurt them or the things they left behind. I hope that is true.

To everyone else, I am a Gone Girl.

Poof.

I left your life, but you haven't left mine. And honestly, that just sucks. Because I don't want to think about you anymore, or you or YOU or YOU or YOU. I don't want to waste another second of my time.

*** I don't think my particular Gone Girl book and movie review is necessary for the internet to read. So here is the short version: I read the book. I saw the movie. I'm one of those people who sort of hated the end, but at the same time completely understood that that's the way it NEEDED to end for Amy and Nick to go on being terrible people living in the cycle of abuse. Which, turns out, is what they both sort of deserve. 

Around Here

I've had a busyish week so far. Busy, but annoying, and maybe slightly boring in the sense that everything is exactly the same, but with slight differences that make things worth remarking on, I guess.

This weekend Elise had to make a recycled art project. At first I thought it would be a great idea to do a collage on an old abandoned canvas of mine that's been getting dusty and taking up space in the hallway. We cut out tons of pieces of cardboard from the recycling bin and then went to A.C. Moore to get some Modge Podge to glue the cardboard on and came home all ready to do this great, fun project.... and the card board pieces, cut mostly from cereal boxes, just would not stick. They would NOT be glued down.

THEN I accidentally knocked over the huge 7 ounce jar of Modge Podge onto my wood kitchen table, scraped all the glue up with paper towels and more cardboard and then dumped the sticky mess right onto Elise's crappy project all while cursing vigorously. Not my finest parenting moment.

I was so annoyed, because I'd had this plan all weekend, this easy plan that was now totally foiled, so I went online and searched Pinterest for 'kid's recycled art projects' and found one that was even easier! and prettier! and that I would actually want to keep after!

So, back into the recycling bin I went and pulled out all of our toilet paper and paper towel rolls and we cut them into 1/2 inch strips and then after Elise arranged them how she wanted them to look (sort of) I stapled them together, and voila! A recycled wall art sculpture:

The other day I had to run a bunch of errands, like getting my oil changed and going to Wal-Mart for socks. Of course I ended up with tons of other great little things I didn't need including this amazing squirrel mug that just might be the best $2.97 I've spent on myself in a long time. 

It was early in the morning and I thought I heard people walking through my yard. Some trailer park mischief around the outside.

Also, last winter I started working on this blanket and came to the conclusion at some point that I didn't like the colors I was working with. I pulled it out the other day though, and what do you know, it pretty much exactly matches my newish Ikea chair and ottoman:

But of course, I go to three different stores looking for more of this yarn, and of course, none of the colors match. Sure, I thought I got kind of close to some of the colors, but really, none of them matched, even from the same brand. The proverbial "they" really aren't kidding when they say you should buy all your yarn for a crochet project all at once, no matter what the cost. Because now I'm in half a blanket and can't really go on. Boo. 

Other than that, more work - lots more work. I've been called in early and picked up shifts this week so I'm working like seven days in a row I think so my paycheck should be pretty big next week. Like maybe even $130 dollars. Heh. 

I'm also reading Gone Girl, speeding through it and loving it, and hopefully going to see the movie next week with Todd. 

THISCLOSE to the Awesome

For my birthday this year, my friend Chana bought me tickets to go see 'Neil Gaiman in Conversation with Audrey Niffenegger' at Bard College up in New York. I was thrilled!

I haven't left the state in ages, so it was nice to take the day off from work with a little purpose and go on a 3 hour road trip to somewhere I have never been.

We went first to Hudson, New York to visit with Beau's uncle and sister for dinner. Scotty cooked up some amazing chicken and jasmine rice with a side of butternut squash, which I actually ate and liked, and I liked it so much I had seconds! I am going to have to figure out how he did that.. he said he used an awful lot of butter.

The sunset over the Catskills and the Hudson River was incredible. The photos I took came out pretty good (I think) but they don't really do the light justice, of course.

After dinner we drove to Bard College where Neil Gaiman is now a professor and doing these talks with other artists. I was able to get three signed books - two for Elise - a hardcover copy of Coraline because she loves the movie and I think it will be fun to read it with her, and also a copy of his new children's book, Fortunately, The Milk. Then, I got a little something for me, which is this really cool hardcover copy of Neil's "Make Good Art" speech he gave at a college graduation. It's very inspiring, and I need a little inspiration when it comes to writing (and the not writing) these days.

We were sitting THAT FUCKING CLOSE to Neil and Audrey!! It was amazing. Totally incredible, interesting, and inspiring. They talked about writing, publishing, fame, inspiration, ideas, collaboration, and little snippets of their own lives that was just. so. cool.  I really have half a mind to drop everything I am doing right now and re-read The Time Traveler's Wife AGAIN because it really is one of my favorite books, it's just so brilliant, and I am so glad I got the chance to see its author speak in person and see she is just regular like the rest of us.

After that awesome thing, we drove for another hour (by this point it was like 9:30) to go see Beau's brother Philip who works at a beautiful, rustic restaurant called The Carolina House in Kinderhook. I think. 

I had a delicious espresso martini:

And Philip made me some bangin' pulled pork nachos that we totally devoured. I wish I had gotten a picture with Philip, because I see him approximately once every three to five years, but his nachos will have to do for remembrance:

Basically, yesterday was just wonderful. We arrived home at some ridiculous time like two thirty in the morning and instead of just going to bed like I should have, I stayed up until 4:30 in the morning instead, beginning to catch up on the fifth season of The Vampire Diaries so that I can start watching the new episodes that are airing now. I'm on like episode seven now, and I have no idea why I ever stopped watching this in the first place. I forgot how much I enjoy stories about vampires, no matter how hokey they may be. 

Yeah. I went to band camp.

I found myself tonight researching online the prices of baritone horns, because I think I finally successfully convinced Elise tonight to play that in band this year instead of the flute. I have a whole list of reasons why I would rather her play a brass instrument than the flute, including:

• I myself played the baritone horn when I was in middle school and junior high before moving up to the tuba
• so therefore I know how to play it (or at least I hope I remember) and I can help her learn it,
• whereas if she chose the flute I would be completely useless to her and would have to end up spending more money on lessons 
• and, I think it will be easier and therefore more fun for her, and therefore she will be more likely to stick with it. 
• I hope.

I don't know why she wanted to play the flute but somehow she got it into her head that that was the instrument she wanted to learn how to play and I am just not convinced that there will be a good outcome from that.

I sat her down tonight and explained my entire history of learning music and playing instruments, including how the clarinet was the first thing I played and I hated it - I thought it was complicated, too hard, it made my mouth hurt, and I didn't really like the sound, it turns out. So, I was smart and instead of quitting I asked the band teacher to let me play something else - or maybe he suggested I play the baritone - I wish I could remember things like that from my childhood. I remember Mr. Abbott so fondly. 

Anyway, I switched to the baritone horn and I really liked it. I learned to read music, the beloved bass clef, cause I'm all about that bass, bout that bass, no treble. Then in eighth grade Mr. Abbott needed a tuba player, and I was all in. Playing tuba in marching band was the best thing I did in high school. Yeah, I was that band nerd, doing things in band camp.

I know that flute will be hard for Elise to learn. Really hard. Harder than so many other things. I explained why, and then I told her about the baritone. I showed her some Youtube videos of people making beautiful sounds with baritones, and she was entranced. 

Then I introduced her to the Ohio State Marching Band. Behold:

Her eyeballs damn near popped out of her little head. She was bouncing on the seat excited and kept demanding that we watch more, and more, and MORE! And oh my god, THIS IS SO AWESOME! I WANT TO DO THAT? MOMMY HOW CAN I DO THAT?

Oh my god, that felt awesome. 

Also, I had Cowlick's fro-yo and candy for dinner, because I worked my ass off today and had a salad for lunch and Elise got TWO WEEKS IN A ROW of 97 point days of good behavior, and she deserved a treat, too. It's been a while. 

I hope I can post tomorrow. Perhaps I'll download the app. But, I will be busy because I'm going to upstate New York to see NEIL FUCKING GAIMAN. Yup.

The Beginning

“I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. (Jo March)" Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

Yesterday I asked a friend whether she wanted to do NaNoWriMo with me this year and she said yes, so I suppose that means I actually have to commit to doing it as well, which I wasn't necessarily planning on doing this year, even though I've done it for the past, oh, seven years in a row. It's just that I haven't been writing all year, I haven't blogged all year, I've given everything up .. and for what? For too late nights reading so many books I forget what they all are, and binge watching so many television shows I'm just embarrassed to talk about it. 

I want to write a book this year. I want to have already written two books. I want to get out of whatever this horrible funk is that I am in and get on with my life as I had been planning it for so long. You know, DO the things that I keep saying I am going to do one day. 

It's gotta start someday, so. Hello, October. 

I just celebrated my 32nd birthday. 

Elise is in third grade now and doing better than she ever has in school, I am so proud of her. I would like to say she is growing like a weed but that is only metaphorically true because she isn't growing much at all lately, she is actually the shortest kid in her grade as far as I know, my little shorty whose pediatrician has already speculated that Elise won't reach five feet tall. Her vertical struggle is real, but man is she cute, and so very often now such a good girl that I am so lucky to have.

I'm waitressing now, slinging burgers and fries and eggs and pancakes at a little diner(ish) restaurant that's right down the street from our little piece of trailer park heaven. We're doing okay. I'm still not that great at keeping the house clean.

Basically I want NEED to start writing again and just didn't have any place to do it. So here we are, beginning again. 

Tomorrow I'm working in the morning instead of the night shift, something that is not normal for me. I really WANT to be on days so that I can work while Elise is in school and don't have to give up so much time with her while I am working, but someone has to quit, be fired, or die for me to be able to move up to mornings at the restaurant, so I am trying to be patient for that to happen and I'm grateful when days like tomorrow come along. 

Off to bed with me now, like a good, responsible adult. Mmmhmm.