WE LOVE FALL!

I've noticed that in the very short history of this blog I have commented a lot on the weather, which is strange, as if I am trying to make casual conversation with a stranger. Which is made even stranger, because that is pretty much exactly what I am doing.

It has been unseasonably warm and delightful this week, if you are wondering.

Last weekend my parents, Kayla, Elise and I went to Pumpkintown and Elise had a total blast like she does every year. She was the one who figured it out on the car ride up there that Pumpkintown is now a family tradition!

Pumpkintown features "Pumpkin People" who live in their little pumpkin people town. It's pretty cute. There's a post office and a wedding chapel and a general store and a jail:

There was also a pumpkin shaped bouncy house. Elise cannot pass up a bouncy house opportunity. If I had a million dollars, there would definitely be one of these going up in the backyard next to the in-ground swimming pool.

Elise agrees that's a good idea.

On Sunday there was Elise's school's annual Trunk or Treat event, which is actually the first one for us, because last year I was a bad mom and didn't take her for some reason (probably because I hate interacting with other moms and especially large crowds of other moms.)

But, I am trying to be better about all these things this year and in the future because Elise needs friends and a social life, and I need to help her acquire these things. Apparently she's been making friends on her own, like Abbie, who appears here as Elsa with my little Belle:

There was a DJ at this event, which was a brilliant plan, because the kids had a blast running around and dancing and playing Simon Says and going on a little costume parade. It was fun to watch them, too, all the kids having so much fun.

Damn, I love this kid of mine. 

Winter is Coming

This is how my week started off:

Scraping the first frost off of my car Monday morning, I had that terrible feeling of impending winter doom. I have the S.A.D., and honestly I am really not ready to deal with this shit just yet, not this early in the year. The people aren't coming to clean my furnace until November 8th, so I'll be damned if I turn my heat on before then. Winter can wait.

Except at Wal-Mart, where winter is apparently already in full swing. Barf.

This week I cleaned my house, crossing things off a list until I was done: floors, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, organizing, PUTTING ALL THE LAUNDRY AWAY and making my bed and turning my bedroom back into a place of sanctuary and not a place to throw and hide all of the things that didn't yet have a place.

I did a pretty good job.

Besides Monday's dip into the 30s and yesterday's monsoon or whatever the hell that was, the weather has been pretty mild and enjoyable for the time of year. Good sunsets are happening this fall:

And beautiful light on the leaves in the treetops. Damn powerlines. Damn this urban sprawl that I live in the midst of. 

I would love to be able to get out of here one day. I would love to be able to abandon this awful climate and go somewhere that's more constantly warm and mild. St. Petersburg. San Diego. Somewhere that palm trees and sun will be something I see just about every single day. 

I want to take Elise out of this place and give her a better home to live in - a bigger bedroom, a real house, not just a little box lined up next to all the other little boxes in our row. 

She seems okay for now though, just an innocent little head floating in a sea of Hello Kitty.

For now I guess we're fine. 

Gone Girl

This was supposed to be a book and movie review***, but then I realized I am a Gone Girl.

At least, that's the way I feel now. That's how I think I have been presenting myself to the world for a long time.

You see, I never did let go of my past. Even though two years ago (I can't believe it's that long ago now) I cut so many people out of my life, even though I don't see or talk to those people anymore, I still think of them. I still wonder what they think of me and worry what they think of me and the things I say and do.

I know I shouldn't care. I know that I'm a grown woman, a mother, in my thirties and on my own - I know I shouldn't care about any of this stuff anymore. I know I shouldn't worry what people think of me, I should't question every single thing I post on Facebook, I shouldn't be afraid to share my writing.

People say that as they get older its easier to let go of the things that hurt them or the things they left behind. I hope that is true.

To everyone else, I am a Gone Girl.

Poof.

I left your life, but you haven't left mine. And honestly, that just sucks. Because I don't want to think about you anymore, or you or YOU or YOU or YOU. I don't want to waste another second of my time.

*** I don't think my particular Gone Girl book and movie review is necessary for the internet to read. So here is the short version: I read the book. I saw the movie. I'm one of those people who sort of hated the end, but at the same time completely understood that that's the way it NEEDED to end for Amy and Nick to go on being terrible people living in the cycle of abuse. Which, turns out, is what they both sort of deserve.